Apologies!
Hello friends!
Apologies, I haven’t updated this site in ages. It got a little hecca’s trying to maintain my blog on both tumblr and wordpress.
If anyone is interested in keeping up you can subscribe to my blog here (you don’t need a wordpress account)
http://nakedenvelope.com/
I shall keep this up as a separate account and endeavour to post interesting things for you!
peas
xxx
7:54 am • 23 May 2012
Cultured Mr Fox!
thereandbackagain:
Francis Alÿs, The Nightwatch, 2004 [x]
Surveillance cameras observe a fox exploring the Tudor and Georgian rooms of the National Portrait Gallery at night.
(via sans-pants)
7:49 am • 23 May 2012 • 19,497 notes
Dr Google: A Sure Way to Catch Cyberchondria
You’re sick at home, perhaps it’s night time, and your local medical centre is shut. You are wondering what’s wrong so a quick look online and some self-diagnosis should definitely ease those worries…
I had been getting very frequent headaches, fatigue and light-headedness. You know that feeling when you’re so hungover the room is spinning and you can’t even look at the ceiling without wanting to ‘shout groceries’? That. I had some other symptoms too, but the dizziness was my biggest concern and my mind began to get creative as to what I might have.
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7:28 am • 9 April 2012
Tips to Finding the Perfect Share-house or Housemate
When searching for a share house to move in to, there are no second chances. Appearing a little weird in your profile or saying the wrong thing during the interview will get you culled faster than you can say “who forgot to flush?”
Living with people you don’t know or inviting someone random to move in with you is risky. This is someone you’re going to have boring conversations about your day with, see their pubic hairs in the bathroom and get annoyed at when they leave your Tupperware at work. It’s an intimate relationship. And if it doesn’t have a solid grounding it has great potential to turn sour. Even the best of friends living together can turn ‘who-ate-my-pear’ shaped! In order to give it the best chance to work, a careful selection process is necessary.
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8:11 pm • 27 March 2012
Friday Night FOMO
FOMO
Noun
“Fear Of Missing Out”.
The fear that if you miss a party or event you will miss out on something great. - Urban Dictionary
I live in constant FOMO. I love to party. I want to go to all the parties and have all the fun.
But this FOMO is getting more serious. It’s infiltrated into my entire my life.
It is crippling.

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6:40 pm • 19 March 2012
Date Night (With Myself): The Pro’s and Con’s of going to the Movies Alone
On the weekend I popped my ‘going to the movies alone’ cherry and I liked it.
A friend bailed on me Friday night and I still really wanted to go to the movies. I was also desperate to see Hugo 3D which I knew none of my buddies were particularly keen to see (despite the fact it’s wonderful!). So I went on a little self-date and would have totally pashed myself on the doorstep when we said goodnight. (Except that it was just me so that wasn’t possible. Shame. #foreveralone)
There seems to be a bit of a stigma against going to the movies solo. Some people are worried that everyone will think they are a loser with no friends. While this may be true for me, it doesn’t reflect on everyone that goes to the movies solo. Or it may be a general concern about being out in public alone without the social crutch of a friend? If that’s the case I don’t really understand this fear either. People go walking by themselves, shopping by themselves, eating by themselves, bird-watching by themselves, library reading by themselves… (or are those last ones just me?).
Either way I know some people think it’s a bit of a sad and lonely thing to do. So I thought I’d give you all the pro’s and con’s of my solo experience and you can decide whether it’s for you.
Before the movie – The ‘Couples Zone’
I went to a late session on a Friday night. Did you know that Friday night is date night at the movies? Me neither. It was a little weird waiting in the ticket queue surrounded by cuddling couples. You could easily tell the new couples with their collared shirts/high heels, their polite chat, and their insistence on paying for the other. This was quite a contrast from the long-termers slouching about in their trackies, mocking other couples on awkward dates, and suggesting their date pay for them. Perhaps not the best session to fly solo, but it didn’t bother me too much. Also there was also a couple in front of me fighting so I guess it’s not all ‘let’s share a popcorn deal’ that it’s cracked up to be!
Con: no one to talk to waiting in line for the tickets. Pro: caught up on my ‘Words with Friends’ games.
Pro: no one got angry that I was late. Con: since I was late I missed the ads. I love being marketed at through cinema ads!
Candy Bar Dreaming
When you hit the cinema by yourself you can get whatever you want from the candy bar and don’t have to share it or get judged by who you’re with. However, you may be judged by those around you when you seat yourself next to the most gigantic bucket of popcorn known to man, and no one else. But it’s ok, you don’t care what they think. Then again, you did hide your choc top in your bag because although you don’t care what they think, you still sort of do.
Con: choc tops cost $5.40. FIVE DOLLARS AND FOURTY CENTS! Pro: at least you only have to buy one.
Con: there is no-one to hold your giant bucket of popcorn while you go to the bathroom. Pro: Sorry. There is nothing good about this situation. You can’t take it into the loo (hygiene) and you can’t leave it outside (someone could sprinkle poison salt on it… hey it could happen!). Just remember to pee before you purchase!
During: The Darkness
As the lights dim and the curtains draw back that extra bit, I was feeling great. I’m an independent woman who doesn’t need a friend to go to the movies. That was until a really scary scene occurred about halfway through. I could have done with someone to cling on to besides my giant popcorn. I know Hugo was only rated PG, but don’t judge me. It involved this freaky ‘automaton’ robot/toy and I am a massive wimp when it comes to freaky toys with faces. Just look at it!

Pro: No one sees you drop bits of choc top on yourself. Con: There’s no one to tell you have choc top melted all down your front.
Pro: no one is there to ask you stupid questions about the plot that haven’t been revealed yet. Con: since I am usually the one asking the stupid questions this makes it difficult for me.
Pro: You get to wear your 3D glasses like a boss. Con: there’s no one to see you wearing your 3D glasses like a boss!
After: Heading Home to a Cold Bed
After the movie finished most of the couples made a quick getaway (presumably to have hot Friday night sex?). I was not so lucky as first I had to button up my pants and put my shoes back on (no judgement, remember I did eat all that popcorn by myself). So by the time I had left the cinema there weren’t too many people around. I definitely missed the post-movie discussions that usually go something like this:
“How cool was that!”
“I didn’t really understand that bit with the thing… what was that about?”
“How big was that guys head in front of us?”
“And when Ryan Gosling took his shirt off? Wow.”
“You have some chocolate melted on your shirt.”
And so on.
Hmm… I am beginning to think there may be a reason no one wanted to come to the movies with me!
Con: no one to debrief about the film. Pro: I wrote this blog post instead!
So my experiment was complete and overall it was quite a success. I will still enjoy going to the movies with friends, however when the opportunity arises I won’t hesitate to go there alone. And I know for a fact no one will see The Muppets with me, so it looks like I may be getting lucky again quite soon. Maybe next time I’ll even invite myself in for coffee afterwards!
(Source: nakedenvelope.com)
6:55 pm • 26 February 2012
The Joy of Being Single at a Wedding
As another wedding season is in full swing, single people everywhere are sobbing into their soup-for-one.
Hollywood films such as the cult-favourite Wedding Crashers give the impression that a single person to a wedding is as a dog to a bone; chewed for a bit and then buried in the backyard. Wait I think I messed that up… something about a bone anyways.
My point is there is a common misconception that weddings are great places for single people to meet. And that it is happening all the time; probably right now at a wedding near you! This isn’t true. In fact, it’s quite the opposite.
Being single at a wedding sucks.
From the wedding service to the final dance, weddings can be an emotional minefield for a single guy or girl.
If the wedding is religious, readings and homilies may take jibes at the single person. For example, this is a reading commonly found in a Christian order of service:
Ecclesiastes 4:9-12
Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their work:
If one falls down, his friend can help him up.
But pity the man who falls and has no one to help him up!
Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm.
But how can one keep warm alone?
If I fall down and can’t get up, it’s probably because when I heard this I drank enough for two and decided to show-off my ‘Twist and Shout’ skills at the reception. As for how can one be warm alone? I’ll get an electric blanket, that’s how.
Once at the reception the alienation worsens. Like outcasts, those without partners are often relegated to a ‘singles table’. This is usually a mishmash of single colleagues, awkward cousins and random friends that don’t know each other. What happens if after initial introduction you discover your neighbour isn’t keen to trade your chicken breast for a piece of their beef cheek? Things could get awkward.
I don’t mean to sound like a bitter and twisted single person (however if you like that you should read my rant on Valentine’s Day!), but I just wish this celebration of two people’s love didn’t involve putting down those who are single. Their single status may be by choice, or not so much, but either way weddings aren’t always the easiest events to attend solo. I don’t think that in order celebrate a relationship you have to put down those without one. We get enough of that from our own families anway.
Merely a few hours after my brother tied the knot last year one of my uncles merrily commented “so there’s just you now!” referring to the fact both my siblings were now hitched. That’s the great thing about relatives: you can always count on them to give you that confidence boost you need when you need it most.
The worst part of the reception comes as half-eaten bits of cake pile the tables and abandoned high-heels crowd the edge of the dance-floor. When the DJ hits play on Beyonce’s ‘Single Ladies’ you know it’s time for the throwing of the bouquet.
Luckily for the single lady, this tradition includes women who are in relationships, but are unmarried. Among these women, there is usually at least one or two who are keen to catch this wilted posy. And while the truly single ladies hover anxiously at the back of the crowd praying the drunk brides bouquet won’t reach them, these women will shamelessly scramble for it, the winner holding it up in glory. I think only someone in an unhappy relationship could have invented this ritual.
So after looking at the evidence I have no idea why people think weddings are the perfect place for single people to meet. More likely than not you won’t be taking anyone home. It is more realistic to hope to make it home with your bonbonniere (and 10 other pilfered one’s); the memory of winning the dance-off with your robot skills; and both shoes.
I know people do occasionally meet their long-term (or very very short term) partners at a wedding, but if you are single at the start of a wedding usually you will still be single at the end of the night.
I guess it’s lucky I have that electric blanket after all.
5:30 pm • 12 February 2012 • 1 note
Gig Review: Girl Talk At The Enmore, Sydney
Combine a seemingly disjointed mix of pop, rap, grunge and every other musical sound, Twist and Shout vigorously, drench in sweat, and add Kelly Clarkson to taste. Here you have the recipe for the perfect gig: a Girl Talk gig. Just don’t forget to add water or you might not make it out the other side.
Last Saturday saw Gregg Gillis perform yet another sweat-fest of a show at The Enmore in Newtown, Sydney. Working PARTYING under the alias of Girl Talk, Gillis knows how to get the party started, climaxed, and utterly done, all the while leaving the crowd panting for more.
King Gizzard and the Lizzard Wizzard (yes) opened for him. They didn’t seem like quite the right fit for the gig with most of the crowd chilling out on the ground while the screams carried on on-stage. But none of that mattered because when Girl Talk hit the stage the crowd was ready for the main event, no foreplay needed. It only took a few starting notes from “Let it out” and we were off. And ‘let it out’ so we did. With the crowd eating every piece of him up, Gillis switched between working his laptop, grooving to his own mash-ups (is this a form of musical masturbation?), to standing on a table shouting at the crowd.

Look at him… standing on that table like he’s some sort of party god… oh hang on…
Having seen Girl Talk perform twice before I thought I was prepared for the heat, sweat and dirty good fun that was to come. But dressed for maximum air ventilation still didn’t cut it as the room heated up and the air thickened. The Enmore was heaving like I’d only ever seen it last time he played here. Even a glance to the upstairs seated area revealed no-one can sit through a Girl Talk show, the crowd upright and boogieing to Blackstreet’s No Diggity mashed with Kanye West’s Flashing Lights (Can I say that? Boogieing? I’m going with it).
An hour into his set I was so sweaty and salty you could have dried me out and used me to cure ham. Every part of me was saturated. Even my sweat drops had sweat drops. And Gillis was feeling it too as he stripped off his clothing piece by piece. Is it so wrong that I secretly wish he had thrown his sweat-drenched singlet in my direction? That man is a god.
Like any good party host, Gillis knows that props are important. A man standing behind his laptop for 90 mins isn’t usually the most visually exciting spectacle. But Gillis came armed with his troupe of stage dancers (who are they and how can we be one!), exploding confetti and toilet paper cannons (more fun than it sounds), balloons of all sizes, an epic light show, and even a fireworks display (happy new year!). Who doesn’t enjoy batting/popping balloons while dancing to a mash-up of Missy Elliot’s Work It and M83’s Midnight City? Actually, if you have globophobia you might not enjoy that, but maybe you have bigger things to worry about.

Giant confetti-filled balloons: way more fun than it looks in my crappy photo!
While I should probably recount a few more of the amazing tracks Gillis played and specificities of the show, the truth is I was having far too much fun to take notes. And that’s the best part about Girl Talk’s performance; you lose yourself silly and really don’t care. No matter how perfectly groomed every scenester looked as they entered the Enmore, they all walked out of there looking as though they’d been through the wash, and smelling as though they needed one. That being said, you would be hard-pressed to find a happier looking bunch of people. Girl Talk made it so.
No one, absolutely no-one, loves their job as much as Girl Talk does. And with the perfect recipe of great music, creative talent, and the amount of crazy good fun he has on stage, it’s easy to see why. Get to one of his parties if you can.

For more information here is a (somewhat better) review of his show at The Palace, Melbourne and an interview with him on Pedestrian TV.
11:23 pm • 3 February 2012 • 1 note
A Man and his Dog: “The Artist” Film Review
I never quite thought I would be able to say “I saw that new black and white silent film last night – and LOVED it!” But last week I did just that. I saw The Artist at St George Open Air Cinema and would recommend it to all.
Originally I wasn’t that keen to see it, but one of my more ‘culturally in-the-know’ friends was going and I really wanted to see her. Plus, heading to the open air cinema is one of my favourite summery things to do in Sydney. So I purchased my ticket on a whim and went along for the ride. I was expecting something arty, perhaps I wasn’t going to understand it all and maybe I’d have a few questions afterwards. What I got was the total opposite. It was both a comedy and a love story that was easy to watch and left me and the rest of the audience in a good mood.

Stars of the show Jean Dujardin as George Valentin and Bérénice Bejo as Peppy Miller
There’s something quite magical about seeing a movie at the open air cinema. With one of the best views in Sydney as a backdrop, a bottle of red and a nice (dry) night you can’t really go wrong. And The Artist delivered. It took the audience on a journey and had us laughing, content, anxious and even welling at the eyelids if you’re a softie like me.
It provides a great insight into the 1920’s film era and had me wishing I was born in this time. I truly believe no one, NO ONE, can look this good in a hat anymore…

The Artist reflects on the shift from traditional silent films to the introduction of “talkies”. At this time a number of extremely successful movie stars careers were ruined due to the sound of their voice. The Artist illustrates the power of sound, something we have come to take as a given in film. In one scene you begin to hear tiny everyday sounds as huge noises. In fact, the drop of a feather was so loud I got startled and accidently spilled my wine all over my friend. (Sorry Lisa, please send me the dry cleaning bill). This, in itself, reveals the impact of sound and its importance as part of our film experience.
Throughout the film you follow the character George Valentin (played by Jean Dujardin) through his reaction to the change. While his charm and swagger leave you rooting for him, his arrogance and pride may cause his demise. This is a film about a man and his relationships; his relationships with women, his dog, his ego and ultimately himself.
The Artist is enlightening, entertaining, and highly enjoyable. It provides insight into the time and plays out in a humorous and understated way. It is a refreshing tale of love and a pleasure to watch. Just maybe go for a pinot instead of the shiraz. That way if you too get startled at least it won’t stain.
You can watch the trailer here or read reviews from The Guardian UK and Time Out London.
6:03 pm • 24 January 2012 • 3 notes
Best restaurant in Sydney – Porteño, Surry Hills
Porteño is my favourite restaurant in Sydney.
OK so I haven’t eaten at ALL the restaurants, especially the fancy ones, (remember no-one pays me to do this… yet) but hey, I eat a lot! So that’s got to count for something besides a popped button on your slacks, right? (Did I just say slacks? Am I my mother? Dear God.)
If you want the best food, drinks, service and restaurant ‘experience’ in Sydney, Porteño in Surry Hills is the place to go. Sadly everyone else knows this too, so if you go on a busy night be prepared to wait. I took my friend out for his birthday and despite the fact he picked the night, at the last minute he realised the All Blacks were playing a trial game that night too (you can read more about that here). So when we arrived around 8pm on a Friday we were informed our table would be ready at 10pm. I could nearly hear my stomach shriek with fear and starvation. Little did it know what a treat it was in for.
Snatching a glimpse of the open fire being mastered by head chefs Elvis and Ben, and giving a quick nod to the slow roasted meats (we’ll be seeing YOU later) we headed upstairs to bide our time in Gardel’s Bar. What we found there was far more than just a waiting room. Gardel’s Bar is worth a night out on its own! Great decor, impeccable service and hunger-panic reducing drinks made the time pass quickly. Not to mention the delicious bar snacks! I struggled to hold back on the pulled pork sliders and chilli dogs to save room for the main event. Gardel’s bar was so good it was almost disappointing when our table was ready. Except that it wasn’t. It was so exciting.
Heading downstairs and claiming our front row seats to the open fire and “chopping bench” we witnessed some serious butchering skills. Between watching juicy meat being sliced and diced, and reading the menu I could barely contain my drool. As we were dining late they had sold out of the slow cooked pig, but we managed to sink our teeth into a portion of the 8 hour wood-fired lamb. And it was well worth it. That little lamby gave its succulent and tender all for us. Not only that, but the appetisers and even the brussel sprouts were flipping delicious.
To compliment your meal I’d recommend allowing the waiters to suggest drinks for you. I usually like to choose my own cocktails, but the one recommended by our waiter was perfect and so was the wine.
Tallying up, the bill came to about $100 a head which was amazing for four hours of serious eating, drinking and good times. I can honestly say I’ve never had better service and I actually gave a tip because I thought they deserved one, not because I was trying to look good in front of my date. It didn’t get me very far though. We both ate so much all we could do was rub our belly’s till we fell asleep afterwards. Oh well.
None-the-less, Porteño will definitely impress if you’re looking for a nice restaurant for a date. However, I would also love to go back with a big group purely so I could sample more of the food. The portions are massive, too much for two people. Also you can book for groups of 6 or more people so this would be ideal.
The atmosphere at Porteño is exciting, cheerful and causal all at the same time. The staff make their jobs seem effortless and really put you at ease. They treat you as a friend, but not in a cheesy, fake, annoying way. By the end of the night you’ll want to be friends with these guys, or at least know where they shop for dresses and Brylcreem.
Porteño makes Sydney a better, more delicious place and you should go there immediately. Just make sure you don’t wear slacks, or if you do be prepared to lose that button!
If you don’t believe me (fair enough too) here are reviews from Time Out Sydney (5 stars), and SMH (16/20). And here is a bit more information on the duo behind the fabulous restaurant on 4bars.
12:16 am • 14 January 2012 • 12 notes